12 months ago, I had every intention of spending another summer in Kentucky.
I was coming out of a life changing experience and wanted nothing more than to go back and continue that experience.
11.5 months ago, I began my first term at Emerald Youth Foundation.
Emerald has been an important part of my life for the past 6 years. If not for the people EYF brought into my life, I would not be the person I am today. They shaped me during a critical point in my life. I wanted the opportunity to do the same for someone else. I had no idea what a ride I was in for. 10 months ago, I felt I was being pushed in a different direction concerning summer 2020. I realized maybe Kentucky was simply what I wanted. Maybe it was not God’s plan for me. 9.5 months ago, Jesus orchestrated a few beautiful friendships. He gave me my people. They are the friends I have been searching for all of my life. I still jump for joy at His perfect timing in bringing us together. 9 months ago, I started searching for other summer jobs. I researched. I cried. I prayed. I applied. 8 months ago, I began coaching my first volleyball club team. I failed miserably several times. I know that. However, I grew immensely. I think my team did too. 7 months ago, I rang in the new decade worshiping with 64,000 college students in the Mercedes Benz stadium. I decided then to make this year my year. That night I chose freedom as my word for the next 12 months, and I have spent everyday since chasing the freedom Christ has awarded me. I make that choice daily. 6 months ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I had planned to spend my summer as a camp counselor in another state. I was confident that’s where I was supposed to go. 4.5 months ago, any sort of plan I had was thrown out the window. My college campus was abruptly shut down causing a chaotic transition to distance learning. Churches across the country, including my own, closed their doors and transitioned to online services. My once 2-6 after school job turned into finding creative ways to support my kids while working crazy hours from home. My first volleyball season as a club coach was cut short. I didn’t get to give a proper goodbye to my girls. Due to the new restrictions and regulations, the summer job I had planned for was off of the table. 4 months ago, I was in a panic. I didn’t know where I was going to work.
Several people close to me had chosen complete isolation due to the uncertainty of the virus sweeping across the nation. My friends had gone back home. During a time when I most needed my people, I felt so alone. 3.5 months ago, I made the decision to return to Emerald for summer program. This was a hard decision to make. On one hand, I missed my kids. I hadn’t seen them since we hastily shutdown program in March. On the other hand, I was already planning to return to Emerald in the fall. I wanted a different experience. 3 months ago, summer program began. To say the least, it was a tough summer. Our home church was, and is, still closed due to COVID concerns. We spent 7/10 weeks in a new location. We spent the last 3 weeks in yet another location. My team had to not only engage our students, but keep them socially distanced and healthy while we did it. It was hard. It was exhausting. There were days I wanted to quit.
I cried several times.
2.5 months ago, volleyball training began.
I had missed the court, and I had missed coaching.
Being back in that role allowed me to grow as a leader, coach, and person. I was given the opportunity to lead several devotions. It built my confidence in leading a team both athletically and spiritually.
2 months ago, our family added a precious baby girl.
I thought my heart was full before her. I was wrong.
Kalani Grace, I love you more than words can explain. You are beautiful, and you bring so much joy to my life.
1.5 months ago, my church reopened their doors.
I have since been able to worship in person with a few of my closest friends week in and week out. It’s been a light in this season of unknowns and uproar.
1 month ago, I spent a long weekend with my best friends.
We laughed and shared secrets. We ate lots of food and took more than enough pictures. We went on drives and sang at the top of our lungs.
I have never felt more loved or accepted than I did that weekend.
2 weeks ago, summer program came to an end.
It was bitter sweet, but the past two weeks have been filled with much needed rest.
Last week, I was finally able to spend time with a close friend.
It felt like it did before the world threw all of this mess our way. I needed something to feel normal again. I had missed her.
Today, I began my third term with Emerald.
I will spend the next 8 months in after school program with my kids.
I’m excited.
I love these kids.
I love Emerald.
This is what I want to do for a forever.
I say all of this in an attempt to show that God wrecks our plans for good reasons. He has better things in store for us than what we can dream up.
A year ago, I would have never imagined I would be in this position. I would have never imagined I would have these friends, and I definitely could not have thought up a pandemic. It’s crazy to think that Jesus knew a year ago this is where I would be.
However, it shouldn't be. My plans were built on assumptions and personal wants, but His are always built on far greater things. I'm learning that.
In the past year alone I have seen more growth in myself than I have ever seen. I’m learning why I am the way I am. I’m working through past hurts I have carried with me for years. I’m learning how to trust people again. I’m owning up to my mistakes and growing from them. I’m discovering that vulnerability doesn’t equal weakness, and true friends love you even after you show them your ugly sides.
Put simply, I’m learning.
I’m becoming someone I am proud to be.
Sincerely,
mads
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