This is a tattoo I’ve wanted for so long. There’s so many pieces that I purposefully chose because of the meaning it holds for me. Nevertheless, if I’m honest, words are truly failing me as I try to explain the significance of this tattoo for me. I am at a loss on how to explain all the meaning behind my choices in a way that really conveys just how much weight it all holds for me. However, I will do my best to explain it all in the best of ways.
There are really three parts to my tattoo I want to bring attention to. Most obviously, I chose the phrase “Judas ate too...” That seems like a weird phrase. Why would I choose that? Why not go with something simpler? Something more straight forward? Well, I chose this phrase because I absolutely love the story behind it. But what exactly is that story? Let me break it down for you.
You see, Jesus knew His entire ministry that Judas would betray Him. He knew every single awful thing Judas was going to do. Yet just hours before Jesus was led away to endure all that He did on the cross, Jesus sat with Judas. He ate with him. He washed his feet. He prayed for him. He loved him. And He continued to love him even knowing all that He was about to go through on and leading up to the cross.
That kind of love is so hard to fathom. It doesn’t make sense that Jesus knew of the betrayal and STILL ate with Judas. I mean, meals were a big deal in the Bible. They were meant to be a time of intimacy and closeness to be shared with those whom you love. Jesus knew that, and He consistently went against tradition and religion. He made it a point to share meals with those society had deemed as “too sinful.” I mean, Jesus quite literally shared a meal and washed the feet of a traitor. Do you want to know why?
Because Jesus loved him.
Jesus loved Judas despite the betrayal that would ultimately end in His death on the cross. I struggle to find that kind of love in my heart. I question how Jesus could ever forgive someone who did something as awful as Judas did. And then I realize...
I am Judas.
I’ve hurt Jesus. I’ve betrayed Him. I’ve turned my back on Him more times than I can count. I’m dirty, broken, sinful, and selfish in all the same ways Judas was. Jesus knows that. Yet He STILL went to the cross and endured all that He did for me. He loves me that much. And He loved Judas that much.
It was only fit that I put that reminder permanently on my body in a place I will see it consistently. So even on my hardest days, I am reminded I have a God that loves me even in my chaos. Who loves me even in my dirty. Who is willing to share a meal with me even knowing all the sin I have committed against Him.
The next aspect of this tattoo I want to draw attention to is the flowers. They’re not your typical sunflower, daisies, and roses, but they mean a lot to me. These are two single gladiolus flowers, the birth flower of August. I chose to incorporate this particular flower in remembrance of my Nana.
My Nana had one of the biggest influences on my life growing up. She was the only person in this world I felt like I could never disappoint. She had my back. ALWAYS. Honestly, she was quite possibly the greatest person I have ever met. It completely shattered me to lose her. In reality, my whole family was broken after we lost her. But I’ve learned in the years since she’s been gone that losing her physically doesn’t mean I’ve really lost her.
Her life made an impact on me, and her influence is forever imprinted upon me. I can walk through life knowing I am better for having been loved by her. These flowers are a forever reminder of, not only her love for me, but to love others the way she loved me.
Because she loved the way Jesus does. She knew that Jesus loved even someone as messed up as Judas (and me). She knew Jesus would never love me any less regardless of how many times I messed up, so she did the same. Having these flowers as a piece of her with me, at the end of the day, is just another reminder to love the way she did.
Finally, the last thing I wanted as a part of this tattoo was a semicolon incorporated into the design. There’s truly a lot of meaning and weight behind that choice for me as it’s a symbol I’ve held on to since middle school. Grammatically, a semicolon is used to separate two complete sentences which are too closely linked to justify using a period. In essence, semicolons are used when an author could’ve chosen to end a sentence but didn’t.
With this in mind, the semicolon has taken on deeper meaning in my life and the lives of countless others. To me, it serves as a reminder of all the battles I have fought inside my own head. It reminds me of all the times I could’ve given up and didn’t. I chose to keep fighting. Every single day I have chosen to get up and fight for myself to the best of my ability on that specific day, and that is something I should be proud of.
If I am honest, there are some days that fighting for myself is not easy. I have days where the anxiety and depression creep in, and it’s all I can do to drink a little bit of water. Other days, fighting for myself is exciting. On the good days it might look like growth in some area of my life whether that’s academically, physically, relationally, or even spiritually.
Nevertheless, I am making the choice daily to fight for myself and the person I want to become. The fact that I am choosing to continue, even in times when all I want to do is give up, is something I have to be proud of. Because even when the fighting isn’t pretty, I know there is a break in my story coming. As such, it only made sense for me to incorporate the symbol that has encouraged me to continue fighting even when I don’t want to.
Clearly, there’s a lot of meaning behind this tattoo. I know there is no possible way for me to truly convey the depth of the meaning behind this tattoo. However, I hope you have gained something from my explanation. Maybe my choices have opened your eyes to something new. Maybe the story behind "Judas ate too" will stick with you. I hope it does. Maybe reading about the way my Nana loved will challenge you to love that way too. Maybe it will encourage you to love the people in your life a little harder.
Honestly, I don't know what this story will do for you, but I know that it is my story. Not only that, it is also now a story that I get to have as a piece of art on my body, and let me tell you, it is an amazing conversation starter. I mean, I get to use this "weird phrase" to tell people about Jesus. Just in the past three days, I've gotten to have three different conversations with different people about Jesus because of this tattoo. There are no words to describe how awesome that feels.
Having said all of these things, quite frankly, this tattoo that is meaningful in countless ways. There are stories behind the phrase, the flowers, and the semicolon that I am not sure I will ever share; however, I hold them close to my heart. I know all the stories and all the meanings behind every aspect of my tattoo, and that is enough.
Sincerely,
Mads
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